Unfinished Business & How it is Wrecking Your Fertility

Our topic today on Unfinished Business may feel really uncomfortable but it can be a game changer. It’s worth every ounce of your energy to shine a light on it so you don’t have to spend an eternity’s worth of energy repressing it. I am joined by the great Erin Gray and together we cover our definition of unfinished business, give specific details on how they could affect fertility, share some exercises to release repressed emotion, and help you decide when you may need to seek professional help on this topic.

Today's sponsor is Organic Conceptions, the online program designed to help you work through the emotions of an infertility journey with your partner yielding a better understanding of yourself, each other, and your relationship, all from the comfort of your own home.


[2:35] Disclaimer: This is a messy yet powerful topic. It only seems overwhelming because it may be something that’s been hidden away for a long long time, what we like to call a sleeping dragon. It’s really rather simple to address though and we’ve seen it be the difference maker in some really tough cases.

[3:03] Erin’s definition of unfinished business is anything that could be getting between you and an unsuccessful pregnancy or anything that doesn’t seem complete.

[5:45] Long before something hits your physical system, it has first run through your energetic, emotional and mental system. This is important to understand for treating and supporting all aspects and being sure not to blame yourself.

[9:35] We give some examples and more detail about sleeping dragons that need to be set free to open up your fertility. Some of these may include miscarriage, abortion, divorce, ‘ex’ relationships, kids from another relationship, fear of change or losing identity, inculturation, affairs, losing your body, remorse over past medical decisions, family relationships.

[27:37] We share some exercises for you to do on a separate piece of paper to just yourself.


[29:36] If you experience feelings of shame, crying, big emotions like anger or resistance, shutting down, or disassociation, physical feelings like those are the sleeping dragons and it’s very healthy and OK to get professional help.

[31:14] What are the steps to cleaning up our unfinished business?

  • Realize it may not be as big of a mess as you think it is.

  • Own your mess. No blame allowed here, only righteous ownership.

  • Decide if you need help, and what type of help works best for you.

  • Forgiveness of self or those that are involved.

  • Realize that just because you had unfinished business, it isn't a prognosis suggesting infertility. This is about you doing the work that is required to make sure there are no loose ends energetically because this is work only YOU can do.

[35:02] The mind is truly a powerful tool. We’ve witnessed this be a game changer for women that had multiple failed IVFs who went on to conceive naturally, to Advanced Maternal Age cases, to Sperm Donor cases where the pregnancy finally took after unearthing and addressing some unfinished business, so we know this is powerful stuff.

[36:56] We provide a quiz to hear more from you and to give you some of our expert advice on this topic.


Continue Your Journey:

Caroline Myss

Christiane Northrup


Description: Hello and welcome to a fun and juicy episode, all about male and female energies. Today we will be answering the question: what’s the difference between these energies and why does it matter when it comes to conception? Our guest on today’s show is the lovely Erin Gray, mental health counselor and licensed massage therapist extraordinaire. We also talk about balancing the male / female energies, the cultural background of how we got here in the first place, what not to do, and solid examples you can try out today.




[1:15] I invite you to join me in Sweden this summer at my Relax & Recharge Retreat in the Land of the Midnight Sun. Imagine doing daily yoga and meditation surrounded by horses and alpacas, being served farm-to-table organic meals, and hiking or journaling as you practice simply BEING. Of course, partners and friends are welcome, but this meditation retreat is designed to help you get in touch with your male and female energies and the balancing act of giving and receiving. To learn more about that you can visitladypotions.com/retreats for specifics.

[2:23] We welcome our guest, Erin Gray. Erin was featured in Episode 4, as well, where we talk about “Doing vs. Being.”

[3:16] I’m a woman married to a man, why do I need to how to operate from my male or female energy? First, the biological functions. It throws our cortisol levels off, throws us into fight or flight mode, and creates a cascade of hormonal imbalance.

[6:22] In order to optimize your fertility, it’s important to balance the energy of womanly “receiving” and male “doing.”

[9:14] If culture values doing over reflection, how did we get this way? Culturally women want to feel valued, so it is natural that we would align to try and fit in. However, the tides are changing and more women in society are owning their femininity.

[12:39] What happens to men when we compete with them, and how do we correct it when it happens? We each have masculine and feminine energy, and the ideal situation is where there is a polarity between the two.

[15:16] Men want to show up for the feminine. If we emasculate them, they will shut down and not engage with us.

[17:23] What would you tell a listener who just realized she’s been operating from her masculine side? We hear my own personal story about it! One of the best ways to jump quickly into the feminine is to softly ask for what we need and what would make us happy. We also need to soften to our own desire to our feminine place.

[24:19] We give some examples of how to step down from your masculine energy and invite your man to step up from his. It’s like magic!

[28:49] Praising your partner has energetic benefits for both you and your man.


Continue Your Journey:

To learn more about the Relax & Recharge Retreat:ladypotions.com/retreats

To connect with Erin Gray: Erinmgray.abmp.com

About Erin:

Erin M. Gray is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Licensed Massage Therapist. She graduated from Nova Southeastern University with a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling and from Bhakti Academe School of Intuitive Massage and Healing with a diploma and certifications in Level V Bhakti Massage and Bhakti Energy Work. She is also certified as a Level I Aromatherapy Practitioner.