Permission to Pause

 Advice for what to do when you or someone you love has a miscarriage.


Description: Welcome back and happy 2018 to you. I am happy to be back in the new year and to be able to share some insights with you. Today’s episode covers the tough topic of giving yourself permission to pause when you or someone you love is experiencing grief. My lovely co-host Erin Gray and I discuss how we

help ourselves or another through profound loss, specifically a miscarriage. I provide a mini-meditation to open us up to love and warmth, then we share on the topics regarding ritual, things to say and not say to others that are grieving, and how to reach out when you are feeling most alone and isolated. This show is dedicated to all of those who have recently lost someone. You know who you are and we are here for you.


[2:59] I share a little of my experience with loss and grieving during the recent months. We open up discussing the parallels between Alzheimer’s and not really knowing the person, with a miscarriage and others not feeling a connection with a potential life.

[5:42] Understanding and allowing for things to not be okay for a period of time is one of the main key factors to ride through and weather the tough times of loss and grief.

[12:55] We do a quick meditation to help bring in some warmth and light for those suffering a loss, or helping someone else who may be experiencing loss.

[16:24] The stages of grief are: depression, anger, bargaining, denial, and acceptance. It is totally normal to go in and out of these stages very intensely in no particular order, or even block out several of them before feeling them completely.

[24:33] Shame lives in secrets. The more open and authentic one can be with themselves and their loved ones about what they are going through, the easier it is to grieve.

[39:19] Ritual helps us say goodbye, let go, and accommodate a new reality. It is also an opportunity for those grieving to come together and support one another.

[49:12] We discuss the things not to say to someone that is grieving. No spiritual arrogance, minimizing their pain or trying to force another person’s example upon them. It is okay to say nothing, and even admit that you may not know exactly what to say, but you are there to support them.



Fertile Minds on LibSyn

Fertile Minds on iTunes

Polishing the Mirror: How to Live from Your Spiritual Heart, by Ram Dass


Unfinished Business & How it is Wrecking Your Fertility

Our topic today on Unfinished Business may feel really uncomfortable but it can be a game changer. It’s worth every ounce of your energy to shine a light on it so you don’t have to spend an eternity’s worth of energy repressing it. I am joined by the great Erin Gray and together we cover our definition of unfinished business, give specific details on how they could affect fertility, share some exercises to release repressed emotion, and help you decide when you may need to seek professional help on this topic.

Today's sponsor is Organic Conceptions, the online program designed to help you work through the emotions of an infertility journey with your partner yielding a better understanding of yourself, each other, and your relationship, all from the comfort of your own home.


[2:35] Disclaimer: This is a messy yet powerful topic. It only seems overwhelming because it may be something that’s been hidden away for a long long time, what we like to call a sleeping dragon. It’s really rather simple to address though and we’ve seen it be the difference maker in some really tough cases.

[3:03] Erin’s definition of unfinished business is anything that could be getting between you and an unsuccessful pregnancy or anything that doesn’t seem complete.

[5:45] Long before something hits your physical system, it has first run through your energetic, emotional and mental system. This is important to understand for treating and supporting all aspects and being sure not to blame yourself.

[9:35] We give some examples and more detail about sleeping dragons that need to be set free to open up your fertility. Some of these may include miscarriage, abortion, divorce, ‘ex’ relationships, kids from another relationship, fear of change or losing identity, inculturation, affairs, losing your body, remorse over past medical decisions, family relationships.

[27:37] We share some exercises for you to do on a separate piece of paper to just yourself.


[29:36] If you experience feelings of shame, crying, big emotions like anger or resistance, shutting down, or disassociation, physical feelings like those are the sleeping dragons and it’s very healthy and OK to get professional help.

[31:14] What are the steps to cleaning up our unfinished business?

  • Realize it may not be as big of a mess as you think it is.

  • Own your mess. No blame allowed here, only righteous ownership.

  • Decide if you need help, and what type of help works best for you.

  • Forgiveness of self or those that are involved.

  • Realize that just because you had unfinished business, it isn't a prognosis suggesting infertility. This is about you doing the work that is required to make sure there are no loose ends energetically because this is work only YOU can do.

[35:02] The mind is truly a powerful tool. We’ve witnessed this be a game changer for women that had multiple failed IVFs who went on to conceive naturally, to Advanced Maternal Age cases, to Sperm Donor cases where the pregnancy finally took after unearthing and addressing some unfinished business, so we know this is powerful stuff.

[36:56] We provide a quiz to hear more from you and to give you some of our expert advice on this topic.


Continue Your Journey:

Caroline Myss

Christiane Northrup


Description: Hello and welcome to a fun and juicy episode, all about male and female energies. Today we will be answering the question: what’s the difference between these energies and why does it matter when it comes to conception? Our guest on today’s show is the lovely Erin Gray, mental health counselor and licensed massage therapist extraordinaire. We also talk about balancing the male / female energies, the cultural background of how we got here in the first place, what not to do, and solid examples you can try out today.




[1:15] I invite you to join me in Sweden this summer at my Relax & Recharge Retreat in the Land of the Midnight Sun. Imagine doing daily yoga and meditation surrounded by horses and alpacas, being served farm-to-table organic meals, and hiking or journaling as you practice simply BEING. Of course, partners and friends are welcome, but this meditation retreat is designed to help you get in touch with your male and female energies and the balancing act of giving and receiving. To learn more about that you can visitladypotions.com/retreats for specifics.

[2:23] We welcome our guest, Erin Gray. Erin was featured in Episode 4, as well, where we talk about “Doing vs. Being.”

[3:16] I’m a woman married to a man, why do I need to how to operate from my male or female energy? First, the biological functions. It throws our cortisol levels off, throws us into fight or flight mode, and creates a cascade of hormonal imbalance.

[6:22] In order to optimize your fertility, it’s important to balance the energy of womanly “receiving” and male “doing.”

[9:14] If culture values doing over reflection, how did we get this way? Culturally women want to feel valued, so it is natural that we would align to try and fit in. However, the tides are changing and more women in society are owning their femininity.

[12:39] What happens to men when we compete with them, and how do we correct it when it happens? We each have masculine and feminine energy, and the ideal situation is where there is a polarity between the two.

[15:16] Men want to show up for the feminine. If we emasculate them, they will shut down and not engage with us.

[17:23] What would you tell a listener who just realized she’s been operating from her masculine side? We hear my own personal story about it! One of the best ways to jump quickly into the feminine is to softly ask for what we need and what would make us happy. We also need to soften to our own desire to our feminine place.

[24:19] We give some examples of how to step down from your masculine energy and invite your man to step up from his. It’s like magic!

[28:49] Praising your partner has energetic benefits for both you and your man.


Continue Your Journey:

To learn more about the Relax & Recharge Retreat:ladypotions.com/retreats

To connect with Erin Gray: Erinmgray.abmp.com

About Erin:

Erin M. Gray is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Licensed Massage Therapist. She graduated from Nova Southeastern University with a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling and from Bhakti Academe School of Intuitive Massage and Healing with a diploma and certifications in Level V Bhakti Massage and Bhakti Energy Work. She is also certified as a Level I Aromatherapy Practitioner.



I had the pleasure of working with today’s guest, Erin Gray, in a previous practice and fell in love with her unique style and impressive skill set. She can unravel problems and focus on the root of the issue by working with the patient in partnership with their energetic and emotional body. She helps women everywhere gain clarity and insight along their process towards wellness. Today’s episode is all about doing vs. being and the false notions that we are lazy or passive when we receive. Our generation has been raised to be goal-oriented and to go after what we want, whether it’s a law degree or a new car. While being independent is great and what the culture values, infertility is way different and it’s important to value receiving to get pregnant and stay pregnant. There's power in learning how to lean into doing things for the purpose of feeling good rather than to achieve a specific result. Finally, Erin and I give some tips for self-care that hopefully will provide listeners with a feeling of hope, relaxation, and gratitude.

“You have a right to perform your prescribed duties, but you are not entitled to the fruits of your actions. Never consider yourself to be the cause of the results of your activities, nor be attached to inaction.”


“We are talking about divine timing. That is absolutely not the same thing as setting and achieving a goal.”



[7:15] Today’s episode is specifically on doing vs. being. Doing is masculine, directive, and action-oriented. Being is subtle and feminine and receptive.

[10:54] Learning how to receive can be uncomfortable and a foreign experience. You are not alone and many women wonder what’s wrong with them or what else they can do.

[17:42] It is normal to feel frustrated or sad when what you are hoping for doesn’t happen right away. Many times it’s between 3-5 months before the feeling kicks in for most women who are trying to conceive.

[21:23] We introduce the pleasure principle of women learning how to have joy and kindness to themselves and to listen to what their body is telling them.

[24:42] Some self-care activities that are free (mostly) include: reading a nice book, journaling, taking a relaxing bath, and meditating.

[29:45] Learning to be alone is one of the most important gifts you can give yourself and the loved ones around you.


Continue Your Journey:

Erin Gray

Pussy: A Reclamatio

“Your willingness dictates the pace. Instead of just giving you the answers, a great healer helps you find yourself.”


About Erin:

Erin M. Gray is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Licensed Massage Therapist. She graduated from Nova Southeastern University with a Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling and from Bhakti Academe School of Intuitive Massage and Healing with a diploma and certifications in Level V Bhakti Massage and Bhakti Energy Work. She is also certified as a Level I Aromatherapy Practitioner.